The Bulldog Uprising Has Begun
by MICHAEL TUNISON / cute animals / Innernette / Comments
I’m sure you’re saying, “Hey Mike, what does a bunch of bulldogs menacing a Chattanooga police cruiser have to do with culture?” To that, I say:
EVERYTHING!
You see how powerless the defenders of the peace are to stop these things. At best, these bulldogs are weeks from assuming complete control. Once it control, they will bend what we consider culture to their whim. While that will likely mean tangible improvements in movies, music, literature and sports, it will absolutely devastate the Internet. This is will be the only site left, so I hope you like bulldogs.
[Boing Boing]
Sub Zero Was Probably A Banker, Because He Cheats
by MICHAEL TUNISON / nostalgia / video games / Comments
Mortal Kombat is what the gaming guttersnipes refer to as an “old school” game in their strange street patois that frightens me. By that logic, Oregon Trail is an even older school game. So old, in fact, that kids actually played in on primitive computing devices in grade school. What merriment it was! How halcyon those days!
But then some deranged individual, likely feeling the effects of mixing Red Bull and opiates, decides to inelegantly “mash” these games together, thus producing a hybrid monster that resembles mostly the latter, older game, only with elements of terrifying violence. Kind of like the deviant did with this Contra vs. Duck Hunt mash-up. Playing Oregon Trail with Sub Zero would also be super easy, because he would freeze all the rivers, making them easy to cross. Why didn’t those Lewis & Clark losers think of that? I bet ’cause they were too busy playing lame video games.
[Best Week Ever]
Enter Smooth Jazz Man
by MICHAEL TUNISON / Metallica / music / Comments
I always thought Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” was a catchy little diddy the first 50,000 times I heard it played at venues hosting sporting events. But then one time I said to my wife of 40 years, “Maude, this particular musical selection just jangles the nerves. If only they could smooth out the rough edges a touch, we could have it on during our cribbage nights with the McGillicuttys.” But then our no-account roustabout son showed me this more palatable version published on the Internet.
I’m really more keen on this version. If they ever release a version I can play on the victrola, our country home with no longer only be filled with that crushing, foreboding silence. Thanks, age of technology.
[The Daily What]
— January 20‚ 2009 —
Call of Duty: Sibling Warfare
With Activision now planning a slew of Call of Duty games after the departure of former development team Infinity Ward, people are curious at to which route the company will take the ever popular series of war shooters. Because, after all, there are only so many World War II and modern games you can make. A few amusing alternatives are presented here.
THREADI Got A Golden Publicity Stunt
The Wonka candy brand (which is owned by Nestle) is pulling out the promotion you would think they would have tried a million times by now: putting golden tickets in their chocolate bars that are good for lavish prizes. Thankfully, the grand prize is not a tour of their factory. Instead, 10 grand prize winners get a trip for four around the world with $12,500 in spending money. There are other minor prizes, none of which is owning your own Oompa-Loompa. Sigh. Someday…
THREADKevin Smith Wants to Make the “Raging Bull” of Hockey
For his next project after movie-I-refuse-to-watch Cop-Out and some other dumb-sounding project with Seann William Scott, director Kevin Smith wants to make the definitive hockey movie, because hockey is totally back now, as the Olympics told us. Anyone who’s faintly familiar with his works knows Smith is a fan, so he might get some of the particulars about the culture. To be titled Goon, Smith describes it as “a funnier Raging Bull” which is kind of like saying you want to film a more slapstick version of The Bicycle Thieves.
THREAD