The video game You Testament was featured on G4 television’s program Web Soup recently, and the first impression I got when watching it was, “Huh, that looks like an old wrestling game I use to play.” Wait a minute, what do wrestling and Jesus have in common that they should both have the same video game engine? A fair question, right? The answer is nothing, really, except in the mind of Mat Dickie. He created the game of confusing religious tenets where you can beat up Jesus and do other stuff too. What else matters after being able to attack Jesus, though? The concept of the whole video game and Chris Hardwick making fun of it are funny, but what made the whole thing even funnier is a review I found of the game on a Christian video game website. Here’s a few highlights:

“I had to test attacking Jesus as part of my job as a reviewer.
I am so sorry, Jesus! Please forgive me!

Early in the game I was holding a metal spike and I was going to hug Jesus but I pressed the wrong button and poked the spike in His face! His face remained scarred and His eyes were all bloody for most of the game after that. Why would it let me do this horrible thing?

“Even though I stabbed Him in the face with a spike, Jesus still forgave me!
This part of the game is a very accurate Jesus simulation.”

“There were also weird quotes on the loading screens from people like Confucius, Buddha, Mohammed, Osama Bin Ladin, Barack Obama, Bruce Lee, Kanye West, and Jay-Z. Those made no sense in a Biblical game at all. It’s like some sort of mashup of Christianity with all sorts of false religions. I think Mat Dickie, the game’s sole creator, is a very confused person. At least I hope it is confusion and not intentional deception.

I would give this game five crosses for the way it lets you live through the Bible and witness Jesus first-hand, but I must subtract crosses for being able to beat up Jesus and getting Jesus’ teachings mixed up with things like Hinduism and the Matrix.”

The review is full of unwitting gems such as that one. And yes, I realize I am going to hell for this. If you would like to do blasphemous things you can download the game for free here, but you can only play it three times apparently.